Hearing Aid

After much nagging from his wife, Sam was visiting the audiologist. Yes, he would need hearing aids and they ranged in price from $10.00 to $2,000, was what he was told. “I’ll try the $10.00 pair” Sam said. The nurse placed the hearing aids into his ears and hung a wire around his neck. “Does the wire really have to be around my neck?” asked Sam. “Why of course!” replied the … [Read more...]

Peanuts

Thinking that the presidential candidate needed to show a more human side of himself, his committee advised him to visit an old age home. Walking into the room of an old man, with the cameras whirring, the nominee was surprised when the old man offered him some peanuts from a bowl on the table. “Thank you”, said the nominee after being offered more for the 3rd time, “Why don’t you have … [Read more...]

“Write It Down”

A couple in their nineties are both having some short term memory loss. While in for a checkup, the physician says that physically they’re okay, but since they’re having trouble remembering things, they might want to start writing things down. Later that evening they’re sitting and reading, when the husband gets up. “Would you like anything from the kitchen?” he asks. “Some vanilla ice … [Read more...]

Morton Proposed to His Date

The neighbors thought it was odd, but 93 year old Morton was dating again. One Monday morning Morton woke up with a funny feeling that something important happened last night. It was during breakfast, that Morton finally remembered what it was. He had proposed to his date Greta. But what she answered he just couldn’t seem to remember. Morton picked up the phone and dialed. “Hi Greta”, said … [Read more...]

The Smart Parrot

A man buys a parrot and brings him home. But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him and says, “I apologize for offending you, and I … [Read more...]

The Doctor’s Diagnosis

“Now, Ms. Lyons,” said the doctor, “you say you have shooting pains in your neck, dizziness, and constant nausea. Just for the record, how old are you?” “Why, I’m going to be 39 on my next birthday,” the woman replied indignantly. “Hmmm,” muttered the doctor, “Got a slight loss of memory, too.”” from: pruneville.com … [Read more...]

And She Waited

As the waitress served the elderly couple, she noticed something very unusual. The man began to eat his meal while his wife stared patiently out the window. “Is there something wrong with your food?” the waitress asked the lady. “No, the food looks great,” she replied. “Aren’t you afraid your food will get cold if you wait much longer to eat?” the waitress queried further. “Oh,” the … [Read more...]

The Game

On an overseas flight, a lawyer and an older man were in adjoining seats. The lawyer asked the senior if he’d like to play a little game. The older man was tired, and he told the lawyer he only wanted to sleep. But the lawyer insisted the game was a lot of fun. “Here’s how it works,” he said. “I’ll ask you a question. If you can’t come up with the answer, you have to give me a dollar. … [Read more...]

The Proposal

An old fellow fell in love with a lady. He got down on his knees and told her there were two things he would like to ask her. She replied, “OK.” He said, “Will you marry me?” She replied, “Yes,” then asked what his second question was. He replied, “Will you help me up?” … [Read more...]

His Secret For Longevity

Reporter: “So you are 100 years old. How did you manage to live so long?“ Old man: “Well, son, I got married when I was 21. The wife and I decided that if we had arguments, the loser would take a long walk to get over being mad. I suppose I have been benefitted most by 79 years of fresh air.” … [Read more...]

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